little house on the prairie

We are finally in our new house and I'm very excited about it. Everything seems as though it's slowing down and we're finally able to take a deep breath and enjoy life's moments. There is still so much to do at the house...make window treatments, paint everywhere, put the kitchen together...but we're having fun. It's wonderful to have a place of my own that I can change and sculpt to fit my life and my little family. I hope this place will be a good one for our family of four.

The Search For A Home...

Our search for a home continues. I feel as though I'm getting anxious about this whole process. I thought that we would have found a place by now but now I'm getting worried that we never will...or that the place that we do find will be a total dump.

I remember a particular moment of a retreat I was on last February. The speaker asked us to close our eyes and imagine us sitting in our favorite place...a place where we are truly content. I closed my eyes and my mind started to fill with images of places. I saw my house (in Niverville), my mom's house, my apartment in Otterburne, my house on Maryland St...my mind raced back to places that I had been, other peoples houses, vacations, the list became quite long. Then I stopped. The speaker continued on with the exercise but I was stuck on trying to imagine a place. I couldn't. For the life of me, I couldn't come up with a place where I've been truly content and happy. The closest that I could come up with was the back porch of 81 Livingstone (the house that I lived in in Australia). It was beautiful and it was a place where I met daily with God. I grew there and saw huge changes in my life. I haven't felt that way since. What's sad is that was way back in 2002. I couldn't think of a place where my soul has been at rest and at peace...or even a place that I've truly liked other than 6 years ago. This concerned me greatly. It makes me think that it's not so much my surroundings as it is the state of my soul and life. I so badly want to have a place to call my own and a place where I love being at and spending time working on it...but I think that it needs to come from a deep seeded contentment in my heart. I need to learn how to be happy with myself and who I am and then it might spread to the rest of my life.

the next step?

I have an opportunity to send a tape into an executive producer of a record company...crazy. My husband is working in his house and my husband mentioned that he plays guitar and the guy told him to record something for him. James then told him that I'm the one he should be listening to and the producer told him to get me to send a tape in. Wow. Should I? Maybe...maybe not. That's a huge step. Sending one in could mean huge things for me (although it would most likely mean nothing). The thing is...I totally doubt my capabilities when it comes to singing and writing music. I still do it, but only because I love it. It calms me. I find that it can help me reach a place of rest and solace that nothing else can even come close to. So...what to do?

when the whole world is against you...

For the past few months I've had a very difficult time finding words to express what's going through my mind. I'm feeling so many things, from the insignificant to the extremely significant, the simple to the existential. When I open my mouth to try to make sense of everything, or when I start writing down my feelings, I'm usually left shaking my head in silence. It feels as though there aren't enough words to use...and the ones that I could use fall short. I have a whole galaxy of different thoughts and trying to pinpoint one seems an impossible task. Most of the time I simply find it easiest to throw my hands up and say, "I don't know". While this aggravates those around me, it also irritates me. I'm the one living with this mass confusion. Where do I start? How do I start? If only I could narrow this down, or somehow funnel it into a nicely slotted filing cabinet. Wouldn't that be peachy? Today has been total shit and it feels as though the whole world has conspired against me. And to top it off I'm wondering...Is God still faithful?

bria colleen...a blogger?

Who thought the day would come when Bria sits down to write a blog? This was a spur-of-the-moment act done, partially, because of reading my friends blog. I'm not one to read a blog. I tend to be of the school of thought that they are horribly lame and a waste of time. However, this one blog spurred me to jump into the blog world myself...mainly to see what all the hype is about. Who knows, I may enjoy it. I love writing to begin with...it may fit. I guess we'll see.