rhys' vlog - pasta restaurant.

Yes, I did take this video, but it was too cute and it was something that Rhys did, so it works. Enjoy.

cedarwood.

I finally made it out to Cedarwood with the kids. James happened to mention that he had some work to do about 10 minutes away from the camp, so I half jokingly asked if he could drop us off while he did it. It worked out well. I got there during my brother (who is the new director) and sister-in-law's 'family time' so we hung around the sandbox and then went down to the beach and let the kids get all wet and dirty. Unfortunately I couldn't stay for very long, but it was a good visit. Rhys and Ammie were excited to see their cousins and have some different scenery to look at and I'm sure that James was happy to have some company along for the ride.

p.s. my kids have crazy hair.

rhys' vlog.

So my dad bought Rhys a video camera few weeks ago and he's totally smitten with it. I'm also excited that I no longer have to hand over my precious camera and trust the toddler hands will care for it properly. He's still getting used to the whole point the thing at what you're wanting to record (as you'll see in the first video), but I'm sure he'll catch on pretty quickly. I thought that it would be fun to post some of them on here every now and then for all y'all to see. Enjoy Rhys' vlog (vlog is short for video blog btw).

random bria - magnificent blue.

There's something about the ocean that has this tight grasp on my heart. When I see pictures of it, when I watch videos of it, when my toes are tickled by the lapping waves my heart beats a little faster and I get excited. I don't live by it (obviously), but for being born and raised in the prairies I've managed to spend a good amount of time staring at it's vastness. I can't really pinpoint the exact moment that it's beauty seeped deep down into my soul but I do remember loving it from early on. It could have been on one of our trips to Mexico as a child, or it could have been walking along the beaches in California, or possibly seeing rows upon rows upon rows of boats in Annapolis, or living on 'The Gully Wumper' experiencing the thrill that sailing brings.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the prairies. They are unbelievably majestic in their own right, but the ocean has a hold on me in a way that the prairies never will. I find myself longing to see it, to dangle my feet in it, to hear the roar of the crashing waves.

The ocean became a spiritual place for me when I was in Australia. My good friend Jen and I decided to take a boat tour out to see the reef (cuz who goes all the way to Australia and misses that!?). What some people may not know is that the reef is about, depending where you were docked, a good hour out into open water...there is NOTHING around, save for a few other boats with tourists. You can either go scuba diving or you can snorkel, and we choose to snorkel. I can't think of anything that could top the thrill of diving into open ocean, the possibility of nearby sharks (and that wasn't an assumption, they told us there were sharks), not being able to see the bottom, and swimming for my life just to get on top of the reef. It was crazy. My friend took in a huge gulp of salt water and spent the rest of the time sick on the boat, so that left me to fend for myself. I paid a lot of money to get out there and for all I knew it might be my last chance to see the reef, I didn't want to waste it. So on our second dive I went in by myself, scooted over to the reef and began taking in the sea turtles, the coral and all the little fish. What truly hit me out there in the open water was the vastness of it all, the beauty of it all, the depth of it all and the wildness of it all. We can never measure the ocean (we are still discovering new pockets and new species) and we can never tame the ocean. It is big and fierce. And what I couldn't get out of my mind was how much bigger and how much deeper is God and his love for us.

When I was in Mexico with Rhys and Amelia I tried to spend as much time as possible by the ocean. Rhys hated it and Ammie was too young to take her in, but I stole away and had little moments by it and all of the same feelings about God came flooding back. Maybe that's why I'm longing for the ocean, I've had a few special encounters with God and adventure by it and maybe I'm feeling like I need some more. That's probably it, now that I've written all of this down (again, writing helps me process), but I do love the ocean. I hope and pray that I will have many more opportunities to look out onto the magnificent blue waters and contemplate it's wildness and beauty.

On a separate note, James has never seen the ocean.

(photo taken by a friend, sarah jenkins.)

redeeming ruth.

I really enjoyed watching this clip and listening to the scripture. It's an intro video to a sermon series called 'Redeeming Ruth'. I haven't watched the sermons yet, but I'm going to skip over there right now and start.

300 mph torrential outpour blues.

feelin' blue today. the white stripes help a bit.

i have no idea what to call this.

I was standing in an aisle at Micheal's yesterday holding two watercolour sketch books trying to decided what weight of paper I liked better when the little voice in my head brought me back down to reality. "When will you have time for this?" it said..."You're not even that good and you're not going to frame any paintings, what a waste of money!" and, as per usual, I believed the voice and put both books down wishing that I did have time and that I was better at painting.

I remember hearing a woman talk about entering into motherhood in regards to packing for a trip, or something to that effect. You leave certain things behind, you pack what you want to bring along for your journey for later, and you wear an outfit during your travels. She said that motherhood was similar in that you just need to leave certain things about yourself behind, things that were maybe not that important to you. You also need to pack things that are meaningful that you might want to continue later on, when baby grows up. And finally, there are certain things that make you YOU, so one needs to wear those regardless of becoming a mother or not. This analogy resonated with me and pulled at one of my heart strings, I just wish that I had heard it before I became a mother. I would have given more time and thought to what I believed made me special and unique, what I just liked to do, and what I could live without. I guess where I'm going with this is that I feel all muddled inside, like I'm holding onto things that I just kinda liked and I let-slip the things that really made me Bria.

I used to paint all of the time, it was one of the major ways that I expressed myself and I've lost that. I realize that I don't have the same amount of time to dedicate to painting that I used to, but when I do sit down with my brushes there's just nothing there. I've lost my inspiration and drive and I feel like I've lost a part of me. Theater was also a huge passion of mine and I haven't done anything theater-ish in years...years.

Everyone inevitably says, "oh, just wait until the kids get bigger, then you'll have the time to do what you want" but in the meantime I just sit around feeling as though there are these huge holes in my character. I feel like I'm not fully Bria, but maybe I'm no longer good at those things that made me Bria and if I'm not then I've lost part of me, and then what makes me me in place of those things? That was a horribly confusing sentence and it's left me even more confused. Hm.

peanut and butter.

Over the past little while I've been noticing how much my son is changing. Part of me wants to hold onto his baby/toddler side, but there's no stopping it, he's growing up and there's nothing I can do about it. Of course I'd like to slow it down for practical reasons; not as much clothes shopping (he's not yet 4 and he's in a size 11 shoe), not as much grocery shopping, not as many questions to answer (which are becoming more and more complex), but the growth in body and mind is inevitable and I suppose I should embrace my ever changing son for who he is right now. However, I must say that having to make a peanut butter sandwich after every meal to temporarily appease his insatiable appetite is a bit much...but I'll have to get used to it since he is James' son after all. More often than not James will have dinner, then second dinner, then a snack and possibly some dessert thrown in there. If Rhys skyrockets over six feet (which we, along with our pediatrician, are expecting) than this is just a taste of things to come. On the up side I have been enjoying some of the deeper conversations that I've been able to have with my son. Things like, "Why are there good guys and bad guys?" and "How can God be everywhere and still right beside me?"...it's interesting to see his developing mind begin to think in spiritual terms. Like the other day when Rhys asked me to watch Curious George with him, I said that I couldn't for some reason or another and he quickly responded, "Well, I think that God wants to watch Curious George with me!" I'm sure He does son. I'm also starting to think about his fourth birthday, which is almost one month away, and I've already been told who to invite and everything he wants (which included cowboy boots and a periscope)...such a change from last year. I hope to cherish all of these moments with my boy as much as possible since this is his last year at home. Yes people, my boy is going to be heading off to school next year (and I'm sure that I'll write a frantic-mother blog when we come to that bridge). It's hard to imagine that I'll be shopping for school clothes and school supplies this time next year. I wonder how many peanut butter sandwiches I'll have to pack in his lunches? Crazy.

wide open spaces {or: i love target}

Well, I'm back from my holidays and it's taken no time at all to be bombarded with the chaos of everyday life. I experienced a sort-of shock when I walked in the door and had excited yelling toddlers running around, popcorn popping, and blue chalk all over Ammie's new bed and walls..all within two seconds of me getting home. Crazy. But it was glorious to be taking care of myself for a few days; something that I've needed for quite some time. My mom and I had a great time shopping without toddler potty breaks, diaper changes, or greedy tantrums. We ate out while carrying on a conversation without toddler interruptions such as, "Mom, what do soldiers do?" It was sheer bliss waking up slowly in the mornings at my own pace, going for a walk and grabbing a coffee. I took my time perusing through racks and racks of clothes or trying on shoes, walking up and down every single aisle of a store. In case you all think that I'm a horrible mother now, I will have you know that I missed the kids like crazy...but it was still great to be away. Heck, I didn't have to bring kids into the fitting rooms with me! How great is that!??! I saw tons of mothers shopping with their children piled high in the shopping cart and every time I just thought how great it was to be bria for the weekend...not mommy. It was also nice to experience some self-indulgence after a year of skimping on everything I could think of. So thank you mom, for taking me on a much needed breather! I feel as though I can keep on truckin' for a little while longer :)

{bria with a vat of red wine}

{bria with a vat of coffee}

{bria with a vat of yummy margarita}