with one glance.

Two years ago today I was in a stadium in downtown Kansas City ringing in the New Year with roughly 30,000 other people. I was at a conference/celebration put on by the organization known as IHOP (International House of Prayer). A group of young adults from Fourth Avenue Bible Church, Maranatha, and The Drop-In made the 18 hour drive down to Kansas to attend 'One Thing'.

For some time I had been feeling drained, yucky, empty, slightly depressed. I was in my first trimester with baby Ammie and I had just gotten over the whole 'morning sickness' deal. My emotions were out-of-whack and my body was seriously exhausted. My relationship with God had become second, then third, then fifty-seventh on my list of things to do and people to care for; it can be easy to let this happen when you are a pastor's wife. Anywho, back to the conference in Kansas. 'One Thing' had a prayer room that you could go to to...well, pray. I snuck in there a few times to listen to the live worship band, relax and...well, pray. Definitely one of the highlights of my trip; there were a number of singers and they would sing scripture and then turn it into a song right then and there. A very wonderful way to worship, at least it was for me. During one of my visits I was praying and I asked God to show me the state of my 'heart'...an odd request, but one that I felt might help me on my path to restoration. Well, God did show me my heart and it was awful. The best way that I could describe it would be the burnt/charred remains of a cardboard box (a many many layered box). It basically looked dead to me, but upon closer inspection, way way way down inside, in the very middle of the heart I saw a little bright red speck...something living! Tiny, but living. The speck was so insignificant in size that one would wonder if it even made a difference. I was overwhelmed by how charred my heart looked. What hurt even more was that I felt it was me, well, I knew it was me who lit the thing on fire. I wondered how God could see anything in that, if He could even love that. I was then guided to Song of Songs 4:9, which reads, "You have stolen my heart, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes". I knew that God was speaking directly to me through this passage and through the vision of my heart. I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God was saying to me, "Bria, you might be a mess, but you are the apple of my eye". It didn't fix everything in my life but I heard it loud and clear.

In thinking about this past year and this coming year I can't help but think of that vision that I had two years ago. To be honest, I don't feel like much has changed in my heart or in my relationship with God. I thought that I would have had more worked-out by now, but I don't. Everyday seems to be a struggle trying to understand what God has for me. I feel as though I am constantly wrestling with Him over everything; I try to figure things out, but at the end of the day, I'm back at square one...I'm back at that tiny little red speck of a heart and trying to listen to the Lord say to me, "with one glance of your eyes Bria". After being a 'Christian' my entire life and feeling like I should be growing in wisdom year after year it turns out that this year I've been holding onto the basics (clinging, actually). So, my prayer for 2009 is that I will continue to wrestle with God and maybe, just maybe, I will be changed, renewed, and refined.

"Take my heart-and form it,

Take my mind-transform it,

Take my will-conform it,

To yours, to yours,

Oh Lord"

handmade christmas.

Here is just a small sampling of things that I made for Christmas:

for julia.

The Village People

(disturbing)
If you want to know why I posted a picture of The Village People you should head on over to Julia's blog and read her latest post.

Malawi's Song

Prunella and I needed a break from our sewing, so I took time to watch a short documentary that I've had on my 'to-do' list. It's about 30 minutes long and I highly recommend spending your next half-an-hour learning more about the children of Malawi.

http://www.ctv.ca/malawi/chapter1.html

*sneak-peek of homemade gifts soon to come*

just a note.

I feel as though I need to apologize for the lack of posting and overall quietness that my blog has been experiencing these past few days; James and I are trying very hard to do a 'Handmade Christmas' this year. I've been a very busy bee...actually, Prunella has been the busy bee (I think that I've even been dreaming about sewing). At least I'm getting something done. It feels good to see my 'Handmade Christmas' vision come to fruition. I've heard that a lot of other families are trying to steer their Christmas festivities in the same direction, something which pleases me greatly. I love Christmas, but I hate the consumerism that has seeped into so many peoples homes (although I do feel that is an all-year-round problem, not just a December issue). I hate the panic and mayhem over getting the biggest and best gifts, giving and receiving. So my personal solution to combat the Grinch from entering our home is to make gifts. Simple. Thoughtful. Thus the reason for my absence from the blogging world. My apologies to those of you who are going through Bria withdrawal...I'll be back soon:)

bundle time.

I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I was horribly unprepared for winter this year. My list of winter gear to get for the kids was a lot longer than it should have been considering we live in a climate that is dominated by blizzards and killer wind chill. I needed jackets, mittens, scarfs, pants, boots, hats...everything. Thankfully Ammie fits into Rhys' old snowsuit, and I'm not the type to care if the colours are right or not (since she's probably going to outgrow it in record time). My last piece to the puzzle, Ammie's boots, were purchased this past Wednesday which meant that my children could now venture into the Great White North. I am very excited about this fact, something that is driven by 'cabin fever'.
On Thursday I bundled the kids up (which took me, and I'm not joking about this, half and hour to do), plopped them in the waggon, and dragged them over to Cousin Cadens house. What a workout! I was huffing and puffing, drenched and exhausted by the time we pulled the waggon up to the house. "I must do this more often" I excitedly exclaimed. The children loved getting out of the house and Ammie found it so relaxing that she slumped over and fell asleep on the way home...it also could have been that I tied her scarf a bit too tight. So, I must say a big THANK YOU to Ruth for giving me the motivation to get out of my house in order to freeze the sad/bad cells, because it totally worked.

*on a side note, my friend Jen called just after I got home from our snow adventure asking if she could come over for a little while. I enthusiastically agreed to having someone over. We had a nice chat while the kids napped, she stayed for dinner, she helped me get the kids off to bed and then did the best thing a friend could do...we stayed up late watching Pride and Prejudice whilst drinking some very yummy wine. We compared the new version of Pride and Prejudice to the BBC version and then to the book. We repeatedly gushed over Mr. Darcy and gave our opinions of all of the characters, the scenes, the furniture (that was mainly my doing)...all while stuffing our faces with Christmas baking. All in all, a very good day*

surviving the lows

Bria's Tips For Surviving Bouts of Depression:

(James is working like crazy and I find when he's gone a lot I'm more susceptible to pits of emotion and despair. So I'm compiling a list of things to consider or do so I can refer back to it when I'm feel a little blue. I'm open to any and all suggestions with what works for everyone else.)

1. Pray every 5 seconds for P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E. and Joy.
2. Make the bed when you wake up.
3. Have a good bowel movement in the morning...the world will become a better place instantly.
4. Start the morning with tea, not coffee. Healthier.
5. Make yourself presentable by 9:30. It will foster some good ol' self esteem (and when I happen to look in the mirror I won't think someone is back from the dead).
6. Bake something before noon. It's hard to be depressed when somethings baking in the oven.
7. Work on a painting. Creativity = Therapy
8. If the house is messy, CLEAN IT! As stated in previous posts, my attitude is often a direct result of my living environment.
9. Call someone to chat. Talking to toddlers all day long is enough to make anyone go crazy.
10. Make another cup of tea and read a book.
11. Take out the garbage. For some reason this always makes me feel wonderful.
12. If horribly tired and cranky, have a nap.
13. If having a pitty party, don't have a nap.
14. Sew something cute. Possibly another monster hat.
15. Play all of my favorite hiphop songs and dance around the house with the kids. This never fails to lift my spirits considering dancing toddlers are one of the cutest things on the planet (and my toddlers particularily enjoy busting-a-move to Madonna's '4 minutes').

life is busy.

My crazy nephew Caden showing me his 'smile' face.

A visit from my grandmother.

A baking day with 1 nana, 3 moms, 3 toddlers, 2 infants, and 2 of my mom's friends...crazy.

Ammie trying to help out.

Rhys doing a very good job at rolling fancy crescents.

Life is very busy.

maryland street

For some reason the depths of my mind have been bubbling, gurgling up memories of my time spent of Maryland Street. I’ve been reliving the smells, the friends, the colours...the whole experience.

While I had spent time away from home on a few occasions, the quaint little house became my very first residence that was ALL MY OWN. I could decorate how I wanted, eat how I wanted, sleep how I wanted and clean how I wanted (or not at all)...it was MINE!

I lived in the house right beside Bella Vista, a tasty hole-in-the-wall pizza joint which featured lived bands, including one of my personal favourites, Scott Nolan, every Wednesday night. A rickety old fence was all that separated the back ‘smoking’ door to the restaurant and my bedroom window. I would often wake up to drunken conversations spoken too loudly...”it comes with the territory” I would tell myself. And it did. Wolsley is a colourful neighbourhood full of passionate people; the activists, the apathetic, the poor, the wealthy...they are all there. I managed to fall somewhere in the middle of it all and found myself quite a comfortable spot.

For the first part of my stay on Maryland Street I worked at, what I like to call, The Great Waste Of Life (Great West Life) doing all of the shit work for their Living Benefits Department. While I made some good friends and funny memories, it was an awful way to spend your work week. Picture ‘Office Space’ and that about sums it up, horrid. I wish that experience on NO ONE. However, I did find a pleasant solace walking to and from work everyday. What a wonderful time of reflection, of quiet. I would soak in the sights, the sounds, the houses, the people I passed. I would let it seep into me, into my soul...maybe that’s why I feel such a close connection to Maryland Street.

Or maybe it could be because it was James and my first shared living space? The house wasn’t my own for very long, but that was 100% okay with me, living on your own tends to be overrated. And besides, JAMES moved in! “Oh Glory,” I thought, “I get to live with a man!” We had friends over, we had movie nights, we had dates, we hosted our youth group, we went for walks, we cooked together, we didn’t clean together, we slept in together, we made the space OURS and it was all new to US. So that could be it.

OR, maybe it’s because it was the first house that we carried a little bundle into, the first house where I created a nursery. It turned into a sanctuary for me and my brand new baby. The first place where I soaked in what it meant to be a parent, with all its ups and downs. Maryland Street was where I became Mrs. Erskine and Mom. It’s also where I was able to welcome people, family, friends, into my space for the first time.

I don’t really know why I keep on thinking about that stage of my life. Maybe I’m just supposed to reflect on it until I learn something. Who knows?

My mom thought that I was going to die when I moved into that house. It turns out she was wrong, I didn’t die...in fact, I lived and I lived a lot.

design bria.

Today is a great day! Why, you ask? Well, I'm coming out with a new post series about a little topic that is very near and dear to my heart...DESIGN! For those of you who don't know this side of me, you will soon learn (through these posts) just how crazy I am about the design world. My obsession spans all levels, mediums, and era's. I love fashion, interiors, furniture, media, and jewelery...just to name a few. I am hoping to do one design post a week, but we'll see how it goes. Hopefully I wont go over-the-top and I'll try to take into consideration those of you who couldn't care less about this topic. I'm not planning on doing any long essays on trends or designers, but I do hope to show you what I love and what catches my eye.

Let's get started:

I found this beautiful antique Ukrainian cupboard on usedwinnipeg.com. I guarantee you, if I had $250.oo (which is an insanely great price for a beautiful piece of furniture like this) this would be in my house, refinished in a high-gloss black or bright red, or orange, or robin's egg blue or a million other colours that I can think would look great on something this pretty. It's still for sale...hint, hint, hint.

I've worked with recycled magazine's many times in my crafting years but I had never seen them utilized in such a unique fashion as found on this lovely mirror. I would love to put this unusual piece in a fun entrance way or use it to spice up a boring hallway. It can be found over at urbanoutfitters.com for a reasonable price of $52.00 (US).

Last, but not least, a little glimpse at one thing that I love in my own home...the mug shots located in my bathroom. Quirky, a bit odd, and a good guessing game for company using the loo. (Pictured clockwise from the top right: Johnny Cash, Machine Gun Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Jimmy Hendrix, Bill Gates, and Jane Fonda) I bought some simple frames from Walmart and printed the pictures off of the Internet. Quick & Easy.

I hope you enjoy this little series that I've started and if any of you have any suggestions or comments (even if you have a totally different idea of what good design is) I'd love to hear from you.

random bria.

I feel as though my life has been a tad hectic this past week...not that that's a bad thing, I just haven't found time to let you guys in on anything that's been going on. I've really been enjoying keeping this blog and taking the few moments for myself when I sit down to write new posts and upload pictures. I don't have a lot on my mind today, but I do have a few pictures from this past week of activities. Enjoy.

The proud new mama and papa with their very little baby.

Ammie is wearing pigtails! She actually looks like a girl now:)

Delbert and Christina at their crazy fun social. I think that I danced for about 3 hours straight (my legs hurt SO badly the next day!).

Baby Annabelle's dedication at church.

fresh babies are good for the soul ~ part 2

madeline jane

november 11th 2008

4:30 am

6lbs 8oz

and a whole lotta cute!

(I'm so excited that Amelia now has two pretty little girl cousins

to invite over for tea parties!)

And I would like to point out the baby monster hat that Rhys is very excited about:)

monster mash.

James gave me some old t-shirts the other day. It turns out they make great monster hats...and Rhys makes a great monster!

let it snow.

SNOW! As much as winter bothers me (especially the time it takes to get two kids out the door) I love the first snow. It's so pretty, so different, so new. My excitement was heightened this year by the two kids who were ecstatic to see the obscure white blanket covering the yard. Rhys and Ammie starred out the window for the longest time taking in the new scenery, they weren't even interested in their morning cup of milk! I was asked a million questions about the 'now' (snow...Rhys doesn't say the 's'. When James tried to correct it this morning it turned into 'Th-now'); how did the snow get here, where did the rain go, why is it on the cars, why is it on the trees, when can he go play in it, do we have a little boy shovel...on and on and on.

Winter is so long in Winnipeg, month after month after month of white, jackets, runny noses, cold cars, shoveling, indoors, and dry skin. While I hate freezing my butt off (I don't retain body heat very well) I have to point out that I love Winnipeg because of the distinct season changes. Each season is so defined and beautiful in it's own right. Each season ushers in a time of visible change; something that I find strangely comforting. Each season brings with it something to look forward to...snow brings Christmas. I love Christmas. I love the time of giving, of family, of friends. I love the time of hot chocolate, carol singing, and decorating. I love the time of brinkerhonkers (can anyone guess what it is?), Christmas trees, and Christ. This year I especially love that our family will be expanded to 5 little ones to wrap gifts for. I'm glad that Rhys is a year older and can understand Christmas that much more.

So, here's to the first snow and to a new season!

I've made a Christmas Song playlist to get all of you into the Christmassy spirit.

Enjoy.

hallowe'en.

Hallowe'en was tons of fun this year! I was a little bit frazzled the whole day due to baking and cleaning from the moment my eyes opened, but hey, I've got a clean house now (well worth it). James had a bunch of guys over for a poker night so I spent the majority of the day getting ready for that (sometimes I wonder why I clean when it's just guys coming over because I'm sure they really don't care...).

Later in the evening we took the kids out Trick or Treating and Rhys had such a blast seeing all of the other kids and getting so much candy that he could hardly lift his bag. I think that while we were out we missed all of the cute little kids that came by our house because by the time we got back to hand out candy it was basically kids that were old enough to have a job to buy their own candy. O-well, if that candy stays in my house I just end up eating all of it in one sitting then getting sick to my stomach while experiencing a massive breakout and a minor panic attack that my thighs are going to expand even more.

When all of the guys showed up I got kicked out of my house, which was just as well...who wants to stick around to listen to tool/hunting mumbo-jumbo for the umpteenth time that week? Not I. My friend Christina and I went to Club Regent and played Bingo with all of the 50+ Bingo-bopping addicts. We had no idea what we were doing (who thought Bingo could be that complicated) which became clear to all of those around us and even to the Bingo supervisor who decided to make frequent visits to our table to 'check-up' on us. On the way to Bingo Christina and I repeatedly told each other how unlucky we were at winning things but it will be fun anyways. Well, apparently the tables turned because we both ended up winning money which made it a free evening of Bingo fun! We want to make it a monthly adventure...heck, maybe we could even make friends with the two ladies that kept on pointing out that we were bopping on the wrong sheets. We laughed very hard and felt very accomplished by the end of the evening.

The only thing that I would have done differently for Hallowe'en would have been to dress-up; apparently I was too busy thinking about getting the kids and the house together that I didn't even think about a costume for myself. Delbert dressed up though...he pretended to be a Hair Lume (Heirloom Custom Cabinet is where James works) installer and I will leave you with a disturbing picture of his crafty get-up...

little helpers.

it's nice to have help.

(even when that help just wants more chocolate chips...)

all i wanna do.

I've had a lot on my mind over the past few days. I've wanted to let the flood gates open and get it all out onto paper but it seems stuck...do you ever feel like maybe some things are just too, hmmm, sacred to be written down? Anyways, a song popped into my head today and my gut feeling is that God pressed the play button...it seems like something He would do. I thought I'd share that song with you.

All I want to do, is give this life to You

All I want to do, is give this life to You

All I want to do, is give this life to You

And let Your will be done, until it's all I want to do.

How does doubt slip in, so silently?

And why does condemnation come so naturally?

Why do I still get the best of me?

Loving so little and living so selfishly?

When all I want to do, is give this life to You.

All I want to do is give this life to You.

All I want to do is give this life to You,

and let Your will be done until it's all I want to do.

What have I been given by Your grace?

Will I come to understand this mystery I embrace?

Make of me a new creation now,

Fill me with all you are and be all I am some how.

Cuz all I want to do is give this life to You.

All I want to do is give this life to You.

All I want to do is give this life to You

And let Your will be done, until it's all I want to do.

Faith so fragile

Reaching for Your hand

All I want to do, is give this life to You.

All I want to do, is give this life to You.

All I want to do, is give this life to You,

and let your will be done, til it's all I want to do.

And let your will be done, til it's all I want to do.

-Ginny Owens

random bria.

I love, Love, LOVE Shel Silverstein! I remember sitting in Elementary School and reading his poems over and over and over. I love the whimsical and silly subjects chooses to write about and how he can jot two lines onto a page and somehow it becomes such good storytelling. So, in honor of my love of the silliness that is Mr. Silverstein, I will leave you with two of my favorite poems from his book, 'Where The Sidewalk Ends'.

One Inch Tall

If you were only one inch tall, you'd ride a worm to school.

The teardrop of a crying ant would be your swimming pool.

A crumb of cake would be a feast

And last you seven days at least,

A flea would be a frightening beast

If you were one inch tall.

If you were only one inch tall, you'd walk beneath the door,

And it would take about a month to get down to the store.

A bit of fluff would be your bed,

You'd swing upon a spider's thread,

And wear a thimble on your head

If you were one inch tall.

You'd surf across the kitchen sink upon a stick of gum.

You couldn't hug your mama, you'd just have to hug her thumb.

You'd run from people's feet in fright,

To move a pen would take all night,

(The poem took fourteen years to write-

'Cause I'm just one inch tall).

my new best friend.

i am overjoyed.

so many things to make.

so much creativity.

a new skill to learn.

oh, the possibilities are endless!

now i need to find a name for my new best friend...

stella?

marge?

bonnie?

hmmmm.

james and bria.

Once upon a time a handsome young man made the wise decision to attend a new high school in his eleventh year of studies. On his first day of class he spotted the most beautiful young woman from across the room and his heart began to soar. He tried to befriend her in the best ways he knew how; he pulled her hair, he threw balls at her head, he called her pretending to be other people...but nothing seemed to woo her to his strapping side. In fact, things weren't going very well at all...it turns out he had made her cry numerous times.
Lucky for him (and her) the young man matured mentally during his summer break. When he came back to his studies he had caught her attention...finally! The two hit it off and started dating much to surprise of everyone around (especially the young woman's mother). Sadly, things came to an end only a few weeks later when the young woman decided to focus her attention on her last year of schooling instead of the handsome young man. Crushed and broken hearted the young man made a firm decision to love her and to one day marry her.
Many months later, on a lovely afternoon, the two decided to skip all of their classes and take a stroll downtown. Enjoying the young mans company, the young woman turned to him and asked what was on his mind. Little did she know, earlier that day he had made a firm decision to confess his undying love for her if that exact question was asked. So...he said it, "I love you". Shocked and slightly confused she took a few minutes to collect her thoughts and said that soon it would be time for them to be together.

Well, their relationship started and then it stopped and then started and stopped. She took off to another country and he stayed home and thought about her, still firm in his conviction that he would love her and marry her. When she returned from her travels they met over coffee and she instantly realized how stupid she'd been, for the man of her dreams had been there, in front of her this whole time!


Soon the day came when he asked her the question he had been wanting to for years, "Will you marry me my dearest, my love?" Overjoyed she said "YES" and thus set the wedding wheels in motion; plan this, order that, sample this, make that. The year went by quickly as there was much to accomplish to make the day flow smoothly and be created into a beautiful memory for all who where there.

On that brisk October morning angels sang as their lives were molded together. All eyes watered watching them take each others hands and exchange vows, it was a beautiful testament of determined love. Their new journey was sealed with a kiss and *poof* they became a little family of two.

And then *poof* three.

And then *poof* four.

The god's had blessed them with the most beautiful children in all the land and they lived happily ever after.

~THE END~

(i think that it might need a few fairy godmothers, a fat gnome for comedic relief, a lovable talking yak, and possibly an evil warlord to make it to the movies.)
Happy Anniversary Darling!

homesteading (part two)

For some time (years actually) my husband and I have been giddily (?) and nervously planning our escape into the great wilds of Northern Manitoba to homestead. Our main plan is to avoid the impending doom of the economy and lead a mainly self-sufficient lifestyle. I was hoping that the economy would hold for at least a few more years so we can make all of our preparations, but it's not looking so good. My father trades commodities and stocks for a living and as a result I get a constant update on how close the world is to financial disaster.
Anyways, my plan was to write another long homesteading post about some more specific plans but my husband beat me to it. If you are at all interested in what our family is hoping to accomplish in the next few years I would highly suggest visiting his blog and reading all about it. While, at first, it may come across as a joke, I assure you that it's not. We've actually started lists and set time frames and started reading (yes, I do read-up on how to skin rabbits). It also may come across as being a tad extreme...but I guess you can decide that for yourself. The wealth that North America has experienced since the 80's cannot last forever. Our lifestyles that we've become so comfortable with rely wholly on cheap gas and if you know anything about the Hubbert Peak Theory one can't help but be concerned. I thoroughly believe that in the next few years we will see a major shift in North America as the poor become poorer and the rich become richer. Things we once took for granted, like winter trips down to Mexico or even road trips to the States, will become increasingly difficult as we find ourselves hard pressed for even the most basic of items. A prime example of this came the other day when the Free Press ran an article about the 'Economic Doom and Gloom'. In the article Winnipeg Harvest was highlighted with the co-coordinator, David Northcroft, saying "The pressure of the food bank continues to grow rather than shrink" and that "It's worse than we thought." Winnipeg Harvest is also seeing more and more 'working poor' Manitobans come through their doors as companies are going through layoffs due to the trade issues with the States.
Both James and I are trying to expand our skills for when we make the move. I am currently learning how to knit, sew, and garden as James is about to get his PAL and Hunter's Safety and is also constantly reading up on how to build practical things (like a log cabin).
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the issue, even if you totally disagree with our plan of action. I also want to emphasize my husbands comment that any friends or family that wish to join us in this crazy adventure are welcome, after all, I will need some friends up north.

25.

I've been dreading this birthday for awhile; something about turning a quarter of a century made me a bit uneasy. Part of the uneasiness could possibly have come from the fact that my early twenties have been consumed by planning a wedding and then diving head first into diapers, diapers and more diapers. How can 5 years fly by so fast? As a result of the apparent time warp I've found myself in I approached this birthday with a little bit of apprehension and was surprised to be greeted with a warm welcoming hand. I was actually happy that my birthday fell on Thanksgiving which meant that on top of just having a birthday we had a large turkey dinner with wonderful food and good company...and the new addition, Annabelle. I was overjoyed to see that my sister had baked me a yummy cake and had even written my name on it!

It was a relaxing day littered with special birthday moments; James cleaned the WHOLE kitchen, I painted my nails, I got a back rub, I got to laugh with my family, I was able to cuddle my week old niece and I even got all spiffied up in the purdy dress that I bought myself on my last birthday (with Julia!). I know that those things may seem trivial to the rest of you but as the years go by and my 'plate' becomes oh so crowded, it is the trivial and simple things that seem to warm my heart the most...amazing. The cherry on top came when I opened my gifts from my mother and sister, which were in and of themselves great gifts but miraculously became even better when put side by side...I laughed, oh how I laughed. A bag from my mom, a bag from my sister, gloves from my mom, gloves from my sister, and magazine subscription (gardening) from my mom, and...YES...a magazine subscription (hobby farm) from my sister!

The funniest thing of all is that they had no idea what the other was getting for me! Too funny. I got such a kick out of it. I also got some cash from my brother and sister-in-law to get some new clothes from Joe Clothing which means even more to me now that I'm thrifting for a year. I'm very excited to go and buy a new sweater for winter. All-in-all it was a wonderful day and I'm very happy with how it all played out. I don't feel as nervous about being 25 now that I've stopped being silly and realized that God has a lot in store for me this year...and now that I have two cute bags to carry me through this next year I'm ready to tackle anything! well, maybe not anything.

amazing grace.

Every year that my family gathers around the Thanksgiving table my mom asks us to say one thing that we are thankful for. My normal response is family, friends, the food before us, yadda, yadda, yadda. They are good answers and it comes from my heart, but this year I find myself going a bit further, digging a deeper to figure out what I am the most thankful for. At a time when I feel utterly flawed and as though I am constantly falling short I would have to say that I am most thankful for God's Grace. It seems that every year that goes by I realize more and more how horribly inept I am without it; as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. The only thing that carries me through is God's grace. It is by God's grace that I have made it this far and it is by God's grace that I have the wonderful family and blessed life that I do.

"My grace is enough; it's all you need."

2 Corinthians 12:7

fresh babies are good for the soul.

annabelle joy cattani

"bella"

born october 6th 2008

8bls1oz

20 inches

hurricane

like a tidal wave it rushed up and over the edge

it came pouring out

spreading down the sidewalk

of this little home

a crack in the core

a vicious wind

and it all fell down

it crumbled apart

she crumbled apart

held by masking tape and honey

a makeshift heart

it held no more

she held no more

it all fell down

like a volcano she billows,

she explodes

the raw human finally appears

it shows

her ugliest parts

wounded, hurt, broken,

exposed

she held no more

one can still dream...

When I was in Jr. High I wanted to be a photographer for National Geographic. Clearly that didn't happen but who says I can't take my son's toy chimpanzee and my new Jade Tree and pretend that it did happen!? I'm still such a child.

can you find Rhys?

this is how he has been sleeping lately.

some life updates.

Just as Rhys and I were lying down for our weekly nap we started-up a conversation about the babies. Oh boy oh boy oh boy! BABIES! My sister-in-law will be popping a baby out any day now and both Rhys and I are very ecstatic about this; another baby to love, another baby to hold, another baby to buy itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny outfits for. Rhys is excited to have another friend around and can't wait to meet this new little creature (he said that he will read to it since it can't really play yet...which I thought was just darling). AND just when we get used to having that baby around we get...ANOTHER BABY! We are both very very very excited about the second baby, which will be popped out by my very own sister sometime around November 4th. I am horribly thrilled to be a 3rd degree Auntie and Rhys is happy about yet another friend being introduced into his life. We both think that Rhonda (sister-in-law) will have a boy and that Kelly (sister) will have a girl...but you just never ever know for sure. I will keep you posted.

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This weekend was the weekend from HELL. On Saturday morning James started to feel sick and promptly planted himself down on the couch to ride out the waves of what turned into the stomach flu. Blech! I did my best to care for him, the kids, and the house while still feeling worn out from a long week. I was sure that I wasn't going to catch the flu from James since I'd been sick a grand total of 7 times this year and was clinging to the hope that this weekend I would be in the Lords favor. But, alas, no such luck. I woke up Sunday morning feeling queasy and a tad green. I don't know if any of you have ever experienced this but it felt like my insides wanted to be on my outside. Horrible, I know. I spent the rest of the day close to the washroom and threw up....drum-roll please...8 times. Ugh. I lost 3 pounds, still feel dizzy, am on a mainly liquid diet, and feel like someone beat me from the inside. I explained to my mother that it felt like I swallowed a wind-up toy and then ate a whole package of baking soda. Double Blech! However, my mother shone through and gave me a break from the kids yesterday with an order to, "Have a hot bath and a sleep!" Which I did.

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I've been trying my very hardest to become a tidy person. I know that I blogged about this a little while ago, but it is a constant struggle of mine. But I made a small breakthrough...actually I made 2 small breakthroughs.

First Small Breakthrough: I've been watching a show called 'At The End Of My Leash' off of the Slice website (because I don't have cable so I try to find shows to watch online). The show is about a dog trainer who gets calls or e-mails from families that are 'at the end of their leash' with their dog or dogs. The animal is usually neglected, untrained, and bored which translates into them being loud, dis-respectful and, well, untrained. The funny thing is that the family is usually the root of the problem. In one of the episodes the dog trainer went into the families home and snooped around a bit. The place was filthy and he really gave it to the mom and dad for keeping a house in that state. While my house wasn't nearly as bad as theirs was, I kinda felt like he was talking to me. I turned to show off, went upstairs and cleaned my whole bedroom. It felt sooooo good to get it organized. I went to sleep happy with myself and eager to do more cleaning. I've known this for a long time but I need to constantly remind myself that I am happier in a cleaner home. Mess = Cranky Pants Bria. Clean = Sweet Loving Happy Bria. Big difference. Big. Difference.

Second Small Breakthrough: While talking to my mom about the whole ordeal I realized what went wrong! This may sound like I'm putting the blame on everyone else but I'm not. I will fess-up to being the messy person that I am any day of the week, but it does help to know how I got to where I'm at. I had my own apartment for just a few months before James and I got married. It wasn't very messy but it wasn't very organized either. When James moved in I never got into a routine and he is way more messy than I am. So two messies move in together and then *poof* we had a baby. Well, that makes it even harder to have a routine and babies don't clean-up after themselves! Then we moved, then we moved again, then we had another baby, and then we moved two more times. And that, folks, is what happened! LIFE! Now that we are fairly settled and I'm not popping another baby out I'm finding it way way way easier to curb bad habits, get into a routine, and learn how to be organized. It's still a slow process but there are a lot of bad habits! Both James and I have gotten better and I think that we are both proud of how far we've come. I don't want my kids growing up in a messy house and I want take care of what God has blessed us with. Now...I have to go do some more laundry.

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he's so strange...

random bria.

I spend so much of my day in the kitchen.