My mom has always said that from early on she wished she could go back and rename me. I'm sure she likes the name Bria, and I know that it suites me well, but if she could do it over she would call me Joy. She says this because I brought her (and continue to bring her...mainly because of my baby making skills) so much joy. I must admit this humors me somewhat. I've gone through depression on a number of occasions and tend to veer toward the 'glass half empty' outlook on life.
Despite my pessimistic attitude she still holds to her statement and recently pinpointed a struggle of mine. While driving in the car one day she said to me, "Bria, don't let anyone steel your joy. I know this past year has been a hard one for you and some people have been not that great...but you have to hold onto your joy." Thankfully we had just pulled up to Safeway and I bolted out of the car to grab some milk before the kids went crazy. I didn't want to face that statement.
Quite frankly, I've been overly cranky these past few weeks...this past year actually. As a matter of fact, I would call myself a BITCH. There you go. I said it. And I've only said it because I have been. I guess I have let my joy slip away. I don't find joy in many things anymore. Certain things, situations, or people make me laugh and smile...but I have a hard time being joyful on a regular basis. That's sad.
With that said, I posted a picture of the Cinnamon Buns that I made today because I realized that I've gotten back my joy of baking. I stopped baking for awhile and didn't want to have anything to do with it. That's coming from someone who will frequently sit and read a recipe book cover to cover and consider it a 'good read'. But it's back! Most days you can walk into my house and I'll have made a cake or cookies or muffins or loaf or random other treats and happily share them (James doesn't happily share them though). I find joy in the process. I find joy in teaching Rhys how to bake. I find joy in testing out new recipes. I find joy in seeing my husband light up when I've made his favorite things. I find joy in how big Rhys' eyes get when he beholds his tasty snack.
I know it's just baking and it's not going to fix my crusty attitude completely...but it's a start. It's a very yummy start.
3 comments:
like that toblerone cheesecake...or those rolly chocolate crepe thingies...or the shortbread with strawberries...mmmm.
i hope you keep finding more joy, bri! :) i'll do my best to buy you some in germany in the form of some kind of awesome gift. who says money can't buy happiness? LOL
(and i will definitely watch that youtube thing at home...i'm at work right now)
I had to laugh at that line about your mom loving your "baby-making skills." There's nothing more ferocious than a grandparent's desire for grandchildren. As the oldest child, my mom's already on my case.
Anyway, I'm glad to hear that your mom is an encouragement to you. We all need people like that in our lives. I also think it's great that you're finding joy in hobbies like baking and crafts. I have heard of too many full-time moms who never do anything for themselves because they're too busy taking care of the kids. Everyone needs some time to relax and enjoy a simple hobby.
If you're running out of recipe books to read and are looking for something different, I'd be happy to lend you my copy of C. S. Lewis' book called Surprised By Joy. As I read your blog I was reminded of it. I found it to be a very encouraging read. In it, Lewis chronicles the ways in which God blessed him with joy despite all his efforts to run from it or ignore it.
P.S. To make sure James shares those treats you bake, you could always give them to me for safe keeping :)
i think that is awesome. i have found healing in baking too. i know i've gone through seasons where everything around me felt dead and dismal and then somehow as i baked i began to come alive again. :) mmm....your cinny buns look awesome!
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