some honest thoughts.

My bed is so inviting with its heavy duvet and sleepy-grey colour. There are days where I just want to curl-up underneath its protective weight and sleep all of the confusion away. Thankfully I don't feel like this every day and am unable to accomplish this on the days that I do, it's quite the impossible task with two toddlers in the house. However, today is one of those days where I would love to hide. I would love to close my eyes and not have to open them for quite some time. I would love to not have to use words today. I would love to rest.

I keep on trying to pray and I keep on coming up blank. blank. blank.

In true Erskine fashion yet another thing has gone awry. Those who know James and I know that this layoff is not an isolated experience for us, oh no, it's all the time. One after the other, for four and half years. The truck broke down last night while James was at a job site. I'm bloody tired of it.

There is a woman whom I respect and admire more than words can describe. When I am with her (which is few and far between these days) I feel at rest, I feel peaceful. I feel like God is shining right through her to me. It is my prayer that I will one day be this kind of woman. I'm so far away from this that at times it seems like a pointless prayer.

I've been listening to the new Matt Epp CD, 'Orphan Horse', a lot lately. One song that seems to dig into me is called 'Love Is A Camel' and I'd love to share a few verses with you.

"The earth here is parched, there's cracks in the dirt

For a flower to break through I wonder does it hurt?

I've been seeing mules and I've been seeing jewels

I've seen a heavy gavel bend the rules.

Now I've got dark secrets but not from God

He has seen me and redeemed me and I welcome the rod

When my life is on the scale the truth will be plain

To be a righteous man I'm not able but for the grace of God I'm worse than Cain.

These have been some cold nights

Colder than ice (or cold as dry ice)

And we're out here in the desert without a light

The stars are misleading and the moon is half strength

We're gonna need some outside help here if we're gonna run the full length.

So do you lead as a servant? Do you lead at all?

Do you lead when your example is how to fall?"

That's about all. Just some thoughts that have been swirling around that I felt like sharing.