As I've been contemplating my life and my heart one thing has resurfaced time and time again...I need to simplify. I feel as though I've become so cluttered and noisy, complicated and tangled. I know that God is trying to speak to me. I have the same angst in my soul that I usually have before a major change.
* this has happened several times in my life. one example of this is when I was just out of high school. James and I were sitting in my room and I was crying. I had felt for some time that I was distant from God and I didn't like that...I had an uneasiness in my heart. I cried to James that I just wanted to be closer to Him (God) and that I missed Him. exactly a year later I was on an airplane to Australia to spend time with Him...it turned out to be an amazing time of spiritual growth and I changed a lot while I was gone*
I'm not saying that God doesn't teach me things without me having this overall anxiousness, but it's a very specific type of revelation...it's a paradigm shift. For those of you who don't know the exact definition of paradigm shift, here it is: a fundamental change in approach or assumptions. It's rather freaky-deaky when you think about it...the God of the universe is about to mess with my mind and my life. Like I said in my last post, "If only I could live my way." But it's not like that, and I don't want to be complacent. We are too self-satisfied here in North America, our bellies are too full and our couches are too comfortable. We are unaware and untouched by the world around us because we are too busy with meaningless, cluttering things. I refuse to follow suit and watch my soul rot away into the millionaire club.
*that could be a confusing comment for some so I'll explain. my father has repeatedly told me that I should wake up every morning and say to myself, "I WILL be a millionaire. I WILL be a millionaire" because words are powerful and so is positive thinking. I thoroughly disagree with this theology and pagan-esque chant. My words are not more powerful than the will of God and the 'positive thinking' movement that has swept across North America via the Oprah Show is a cancer within Christianity.*
I thought that this was going to be a very short blog but apparently I have a lot on my mind:) The point that I wanted to get across, mainly to myself, is that I need to make room in my life and in my heart for what I'm learning. With that said, I've decided to 'Thrift for a Year'. For those of you who know me well, and now for those of you who don't, you'll know how much I love fashion and shopping. I don't get to shop very often anymore because of my lack of transportation and my high-energy toddler, but I still love it. It can easily clutter my life and my bedroom and it is often used as a band-aid during stressful times. It is something that I've never wanted to categorize as 'void-filling' but, alas, it is. SO, thrift for a year and that's that.